I’m trying to get over you. There is something that always leads me to end my night with you on my mind. This time I have to write about it. The great thing about my daily routine is that I am ALWAYS too busy to think. But when bedtime comes along, there goes my brain flooding itself with the millions of things it couldn’t think about during the day. Unfortunately, a handful of those things are about you.
I look at my collection of zombie randoms and my heart breaks. Like damn dude, I can’t even sit in my bedroom without being reminded of you! I sit here and torture myself over and over thinking about those intense feelings you gave me from the first thing you ever said to me, the last thing you ever said to me, and the bullshit in between. E V E R Y T H I N G.
You were the one exception to all the things I was against. You were the one that I broke rules for. You were the one I let in. You were the one I took a chance on.
I may come off as bitter, but I just miss you. I miss those butterflies. I miss that attention you gave me. It was different and I liked it. I liked you. Actually, I like you… yeah, I still do. I just need to get over you and move on. Because I know I never really phased you.
…And here I am, venting to a keyboard. Pretending you are actually reading this. Because in reality, I’d never tell you.
LOVE, Lizabeth
Dear Elizabeth,
I’d seen you quite sometime at work. You’d smile at me. Different than the way you would smile to the others. I liked it. It made me want to get to know you. We hung out one night and I couldn’t believe how awesome it was that we liked similar things. I wanted to know you more. You were at the perfect distance where I could reel you in and see how far I could go. I know you like me. Oh I can tell girl, and if I had the time I would spend it all on you. But I’m leaving pretty soon so please don’t get too close. We can have a good time until then, so no worries. You can hang with me…if we’re just friends. But hey, I have a life too. I don’t want you to fall recklessly in love with me. Making you my one and only is something I can’t do. I told you my intentions are to have a good time while I can, and you can interpret that any way you’d like. I mean, I like you too, but not enough to give you all my attention. I’ll tell you the things that you want to hear, but I like what we have. Don’t ruin it with constancy. I like this freedom I have. And with the little time I have left of it, I don’t want it to go to waste. So I’m going to do anything and everything before I leave. But you won’t be bothered by it. At least I hope you won’t. Because you understand, right?
Look, I don’t want to upset you and have you second-guessing everything I have said. I know you’re a tough girl; you can handle yourself. What’s done is done.
LOVE,
Somebody You Used To Know
I used to wish on 11:11 that you would talk to me. It came true.
I used to wish on 11:11 that you would tell me you liked me. It came true.
I used to wish on 11:11 that I never wanted to stop thinking about you…I should start watching what I wish for.
Last night, I wished on 11:11 that you could just be deleted from my mind. Every last moment with you. Every last text message with you. Every last FUCKING second with you. ERASED.
Not seeing each other is the easy part. Now, I just want you out of my head! I can’t wait ‘til you get shipped off to boot camp; just to know I can have San Diego to myself without ever having to run into you is a pretty comforting thought.
Stage#2 of Getting Over You: Erase You.
LOVE, Lizabeth
I asked him what his intentions were…
And he wrote, “My intentions are to have a good time while I can and your free to interpret that anyway you’d like haha”
Before I responed I kinda interpreted that like he wanted to have a “good” time as in HOOK-UP. And I panicked. So I responded with, “Instead of letting me let my mind run amuck trying to interpret what you mean… why don’t you just be specific?”
He writes, “Haha ok I like you too.”
At that point, I almost had a heart attack. :)
And now I can’t sleep.
LOVE, Lizabeth
He noticed my friendship bracelet that said “ZOMBIE” and bam! Start of a great night. He bought me a drink, talked about his life, and asked about mine… He was so interested.
So much stuff he was talking about and I just want it to replay over and over.
And get this shit, he’s LOVES Chevy. Oh and it gets even weirder… He owns a ‘66 Impala. My heart stopped the moment he showed me a picture. It’s weird how much we have in common.
I feel so amazing right now! I can’t even sleep. Eeeeep! I hope it isn’t too good to be true.
LOVE, Lizabeth
I think I overdid it. Instead of crushing from afar, I am obsessively OVER-THINKING EVERYfuckingTHING that he says or does.
This is what ran through my mind in a mere 30 seconds:
”Does he like me? Does he just want to be friends?! Is he trying to play matchmaker and set me up with someone else!?!! I hope not. Should I ask him for his number? Will he think I’m weird? Has someone told him that I am all googly eyed over him?! I need to stop being so obvious. Should I go to that thing he invited me to? Should I ask him again? No, I think I will sound desperate. Ok… keep your cool, Liz, keeeeep cool. Pheeeew….” And then I see him “HOLY FUCK!!!” (and the 30 second monologue starts all over again)
This is bullshit. My mind went on overdrive tonight. I literally malfunctioned! I had to excuse myself for a 15 minute smoking break. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I don’t know what to fucking do! I am actually frustrated right now… the thought of him has caused a battle in my head; half of me is turned-off because he drives me overboard and the other half wants to make him ALL mine BECAUSE he drives me overboard. I have never wanted to punch myself in the face as much as I do right now.
This is one of those times that I wish I was able to read his mind. Just for a day. Just to hear what he’s thinking… I will probably calm the fuck down.
Ughh, I need something for this headache.
LOVE, Lizabeth
I love myself. I think that’s why I am okay with bringing people into my life. I feel invincible. If the people I choose to involve myself with start to treat me badly, it’s like they can’t hurt me…
Because I.LOVE.MYSELF.
LOVE, Lizabeth
